My dog understands the word “No,” so how are you going to tell me teenage boys don’t know the difference between rape and consent?
- Period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
- Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
- Period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
- Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
- Period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
- Period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
- Period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
- Period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
- Period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
- Period: Yell at a puppy.
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
How to read any John Green book
- Step 1: Read book
- Step 2: Finish book
- Step 3: Wander around in a confused stupor for a week and question your entire existence and every decision you've ever made
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility
what if tattoos just randomly appeared on our skin at key points in our lives and we had to figure out what they meant for ourselves
Sex is so weird like hey I love you let me stick my hard extra limb into your tiny hole and then slam it into you repeatedly because I love you
Why do dogs go mental when they see another dog
I imagine that in their heads they’re like
THAT IS DOG
I AM DOG
DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG